Oh no! You can bust my lip any time

It’s proving very hard to keep this diary up, I need to make sure I do because your progress is startling sometimes. You woke around 6.30am, which was good because you had a visit to Tal at 8.30 in the morning. We managed to get you dressed and out the door almost, almost on time. You didn’t run, because you are currently very interested in making numbers out of plasticine.

Tal was running a little late with her client, so we had to wander round counting the doors. You didn’t seem in as excellent form as the day before and sure enough it was a little bit of a struggle at the start – initially we needed to visited all the rooms “where is 114 door?”, then you seemed a little bit more resistant to sitting with Tal. You just wanted to make numbers with the theraplast, rather than pizza like yesterday and feed it to the dolls. I think Tal was going to try and expand on that, but it wasn’t exactly a resounding success. You did sit however, and it was a million miles from a disaster.

We went over to the hammock and things went much better after a while, I think I got involved and you were much better after that point, things always work better when I am there. We all swung you back and forward and played cuckoo and you were quite excited by it all. Tal is really very good. I watch her and clearly she knows her stuff, a professional to my amateur. We talked a bit about it and she said that she can see I work well with you. We talked about the little footrest for you when you sit to ground you – it usually helps if your feet aren’t dangling. The lights and the thoughts about starting off slowly with the senses. I told her never to feel that my feelings need protecting about something, and never hold back. Mummy said she needed specifics, I told her I was happy with general things, I can transfer ideas to other scenarios.

Me and you did some tickling on the big beanbag, and somehow you managed to whack your head backwards on my lip. I didn’t scream or anything, though it really hurt. I didn’t want to startle you or change the dynamic. But you turned and said “oh no”, and pointed to my lip, and touched it. I was, well, shocked doesn’t cover it. I looked at Tal and asked her ‘did my little boy just show empathy, did he just worry about hurting his daddy?”. She said she saw it. She said she can see such huge progress and it really was empathy. This is probably of all the things that happened, the most amazing. More amazing than ‘thank you’, maybe more amazing than going up to the girls to play. Empathy is not something I even tried to teach you, not a bridge I even tried to cross. I am a happy daddy.

When we left, you were really in better form than when we arrived. I think for now a couple of sessions a week might work – that would be one a day for Raz and Tal. We’d have hydrotherapy, music therapy and two sessions from Kupat Holim on top – that must be enough. I’m working with you all day every day, and Didi is going to start after Passover too. Possibly you will be going to nursery too so the Sayat will be helping you with joint play every morning. I think that is enough. We’ve changed our way with dealing with you too, so everything is therapy.

We went to Eden to pick you up Natura Rice Milk (a huge success), and we grabbed a couple of other things. You had a bit of the coconut sweet but turned your nose up at the rest. We drove into town and after Mummy paid in the check for the downstairs flat you were in a wonderful mood. Your language is so much better. I just don’t know if it is the enzyme, the low salicylate diet or the glutathione this week but you speech has become better, quite remarkably so.

We had so many errands to run, and it is becoming increasingly difficult with you – not because your behaviour is worse, but probably because I am tired, I am terrified you will steal a bread roll (you’ve done it a dozen times in the past), and you are just so much bigger. We popped you in the trolley at Mr Zol and you had lots of Good For Me! Vanilla Cookies. It seemed to keep you restrained (I know it is bribery) but Mummy had previously already lost you in the park (and left me to get you back) and you like to run into the newsagents and steal sweets. Not ideal if Mummy is just chatting to the woman about how bad the David Asser Nursery is. We went to pay a cheque in at the bank for the flat downstairs and while Mummy was in the bank you sat in the back and `said ‘drive carefully’, sort of echolalia from the GPS, but not exactly. You wanted me to get the GPS (now called Drive Carefully) to say it, you repeat all her instructions (Keep Right...) and started laughing to yourself. I said ‘you were funny’ and you said ‘Ben’s silly’. Honestly, just magic. We established that we were all very silly and headed back.

You do have echolalia, some days you repeat a lot. I need to speak to a language expert about it. Sometimes you will say completely out of context ‘go to number 25’. But I know you actually want to go to number 25, though we might be playing with bricks. It’s not like saying ‘cucumber sandwiches’ which you heard on Eastenders and don’t understand. It is just more inappropriate than ‘build a tower’, though again, it might be entirely appropriate for someone with sequencing problems and whatever they call flitting from one things to another. You also repeat things out of context because if, for example, you say ‘Dov Kooter’, we’ll give you a response of ‘Dubi Glitch’, though we won’t be watching Care Bears. At this stage I am not going to work on it since it is clearly you seeking a reaction and seeking interaction. I have many hurdles to climb with you before I try and stop lines of interaction. When that day comes I’ll be very happy.

When we finally got back (via Tiv Taam, Mummy wanted ice cream and thought we should drive back to a place we’d already been 100m from), Nina called you in to see a tortoise that they had found in the street. You were very excited and said ‘turtle’ over and over. We’ll have the land vs sea discussion one day. You wouldn’t touch it though, Nina tried (really expertly) to coax you but like the hedgehog you saw in the Montessori nursery, you were very happy just watching it. You’re a very gentle kid. It’s strange to see you scared or nervous too.

We came upstairs, I followed you and found you crying because you thought I wasn’t coming back. Mummy was making you breakfast and started stressing out because it was midday and she wanted the second half of Nu Thera inside you asap. It is fairly clear to me that Nu Thera has a hyperactive effect for an hour around 6-8 hours after you have your second half capsule. We need to try and get it in by 12noon. Mummy started stressing out and directing me with your supplements, do it now (I hadn’t had a coffee all day, I was half asleep) and really, directing me on your schedule is not a place anyone needs to go. I’ve got the whole thing in my head and it is something I need no help with.

You spilled the juice with Nu Thera in, I was in the kitchen and Mummy and me had a big fight. She doesn’t understand that – to all intents and purposes – I am running this show, and she can’t wade in on Friday after I have managed perfectly all week and act like the expert is in town. Especially when she really has not exactly done the long list of things she should have done herself. Gas, dishwasher, the whole of yesterday back to Caesaria and Jerusalem a week after I had been in both, forms to be completed, the list goes on. So Mummy, quite indignant at me explaining rather vocally that I did not need help, and I never leave you unsupervised with medicated drinks in case this happens, left. And that was that. She texted to say that she was going for the weekend, she had somewhere to stay. Oh well. Just as I reach breaking point she bails out.

I put you to bed, you wanted to sleep. I sat on the sofa and had a chat to Nanny. I hadn’t spoken to her since she left. I could actually feel my nerves, I was that stressed. I left you asleep and you woke up really late – after 4 hours. Mummy is so neurotic about getting you to sleep less and not how you need that she doesn’t understand that you are in full time therapy and almost every morning exercising and seeing a therapist. It wears you out. The diet has changed when you get your protein (not in your milk in the morning, but from eggs etc later). It changes things, and you are more hyperactive than lazy, so why would you sleep for hours unless you needed to. Your mood is always hit and miss when you wake early or are woken, and it is usually much better when you do it alone when you are refreshed. What makes you different to anyone else in this respect, I know I’m the same.

You woke in quite excellent form. We had a good evening. You sort of ate your eggy bread, slowly (unlike the chocolate balls full of enzyme which was wolfed down). We played and I have to say, I loved having you around. You were missing Mummy, and kept asking to go to the car. I eventually had no choice but to take you there, I just didn’t want you to kick off, and I wouldn’t be able to take it. Mummy didn’t want to come back until I had apologised for something or other, and eventually after you called Mummy (yes, you, not me) and then got an answerphone and you said ‘oh no, Mummy not’ (I kid you not) we went on a hike. We went and climbed and ran a bit (probably the Nu Thera you decided to drink at 5.30pm) and came back to a bath.

I upped the Epsom Salts to 2 cups now – we have supplies, and they are not so awfully priced so I thought now we won’t run out, we’ll give you the maximum. I applied the glutathione which you don’t seem to object to (though I would, sticky smelly stuff on your belly? No ta!) and I put you to bed. You didn’t want want a story (I’ve noticed that lately, maybe it is just the book needs changing, it’s just I like My Dad!) and you eventually fell asleep at what must have been 11.45pm. I was exhausted and fell asleep on the chair. Still, all the zinc went in tonight. You’d been chewing a bit in the last couple of days. Let’s see.