Beten, beten, beten

Ok. You ate something. That is clear. And I think I am supposed to have some enzymes to hand or something but they are stuck in the post. You woke at 6am, and the first three words you said were "beten, beten, beten". So. Belly, three times. And then, to go with the pain, you were all over the shop. Your behaviour was a world away from what I had foolishly grown used to too quickly. Was it the egg? The bread? Did something creep in? Was it not something you had eaten at all, just the fact that your gut is damaged and you had a pain from something that wasn't so bad because it was irritated. It'd be good to get the results soon.

I noticed something immediately, like you were less there. A few things happened, I don't know, eye-contact, extra screeching. I showed you a picture of you on Facebook and asked you who it was. Now, you're not very good at answering questions, but yesterday you answered it with "Ben". Today you pointed to it and said "Mummy office". I was very nervous when you did that.

You were very happy when you arrived at the clinic to see Yael, and while she kept us waiting, you went off to count the rooms. And that was it. We have 35 minutes with Yael to work on speech therapy every week, and you didn't want to comply. The third time you have seen her and you have never wanted to be in that room. You went to the door, you lay on the floor, you tried to go to every part of her room that wasn't the table when she was trying to interact with you. You weren't interested. She was pleased because twice you came and gave her some toast for the puppet she was trying to entice you with. I just felt deflated. I've got you to ask for help, and she is talking about it being an achievement that a little boy who has ignored her for 99% of the time gave her some plastic toast. She told us we need to work on peekaboo games and chasing games and things like that and I just felt frustrated. I have always done that, and do it even more now. She asked if there was an English game with fingers and I told her I play "Round and Round the Garden" with you quite often. I did it to show her and I stopped before the tickle, you looked at me and flinched so I did it and she said I should have waited for something else. God knows what else, since you made eye-contact. And I don't know what she said because she spoke Hebrew to me the whole time. She did give us 50 minutes though, or rather your mum. I've still not been given a translation so I am a bit frustrated. I think Yael is very good at her job, but I don't agree with her assessment of your Hebrew, and I don't agree with her assessment that you would benefit from your mum doing Floortime in Hebrew. We suggested we should make the language place-specific, rather than person-specific, so we speak English at home, Hebrew at Safta's, English with Yael, Hebrew with Dania where it is a little more relaxed and activity focussed. She said no. Though when we said we do Floortime as a family, so are we supposed to use two languages, she said we should just use English. I don't see the logic of that, I'm not a stupid man and I think the place-specific thing is the best. Your mum does too, so that is what we are doing.

After 15 minutes I think Yael saw we were getting nothing from you this morning. We left and dropped Mummy off, and just came home. I wish there was a better connection with Yael, with us and with you. What she has to say is so important. Even though her assessment of you is pretty accurate, she's only ever seen the downs, and she's very straight. Not a funny one. Maybe we can see how things go. She was insistent today that there was progress though, you interacted with her.

I was so tired. You were very very clingy all day, but your mood did improve from the kicking and screaming on the floor low point. You did seek eye contact and smiled a lot. You did a runny, smelly poop before breakfast, probably because of some infraction yesterday. I have to say, you weren't an angel when I changed your bum. No kicking but hands diving in and protests. Nothing comparable with before though.

You asked for cuddles all day. I was on the phone you wanted a cuddle, I was on the loo, you wanted a cuddle, I was cooking and you wanted a cuddle. Not a cuddle to climb, just a cuddle. You also asked me "want nails" at some point. Earlier I'd had an idea that if your sensory issues with your bum had disappeared, that maybe they had with your nails. You didn't want to then, but a while after you just asked me. I did one of mine, one of yours. No bribes, and you didn't protest. Interesting development.

We played a bit with scissors and you don't like to hold them properly, though it was weird how you asked me to cut the plasticine with scissors since I had never thought of it but Dania said, just once, you can do this with plastilina. I'm sure the idea came from there. We did a puzzle after you came into the kitchen and said "help you". Obviously, there is some pronoun mixing going on there, I've read about it and lots of kids do it. The use of the pronoun is good though. I helped you put one of the pieces in place then we played a bit with other puzzles. Later in the afternoon, you went and got your train set. It was the first time in maybe a month. I sort of used to encourage it, but know I am very proud I've varied your games, or rather you have through my encouragement.

After lunch, you did another poo. Huge, wet, all over the shop. And interestingly, you again didn't lie still. Nothing at all like kicking, but you rolled a bit and the hands went in. Maybe you have an uncomfortable feeling with runny poo, so you try and investigate.

Mummy is exhausted, I know that. I wish somehow she could just understand that I am more exhausted (in real terms and relatively) and the only reason I don't snap is because I'm not built to snap. I wish when she came home she could take over. It is given lip service, but then I have to make dinner, organise the bath, your bed and pyjamas, and you are very very attached to me so you come to me every 5 minutes. I am so glad you do, but if I don't recharge my batteries then you have an awful time of it the next day with me. Today you must have asked for a cuddle a hundred times. It got to the point when every time I moved you wanted a cuddle, I think you must be asking for a squeeze. I read all sorts about sensory integration where people wear weighted vests to apply pressure. It helps them regulate. Maybe you were all over the shop and you felt safe in my arms. I just worry about everything and I probably could do with a soundboard.

You went into a bread and cheese frenzy - virtually foaming at the mouth at the prospect of a pitta bread appearing from the microwave. You snatched one half from the side before Mummy could put any peanut butter in it. But then, after eating the one with nothing in it, you picked at the one full of peanut butter and left it. I offered you a banana, nope. And chocolate cake, nope.

Mummy did some Floortime with you along the lines that Yael was talking about. She made up a song about a bee, and she got you to join in. She said it was quite successful, which made me happy.

Obviously, after discussing with the nutritionist my fear of you not eating enough protein, you picking at, spitting out and then shoving a whole fried egg in your mouth sort of span me out a bit. It has taken almost three years, but you ate a bloody egg. Any minute now I'm going to get an email from Roni telling us to ban eggs, which was my fear after this morning. If egg isn't banned though it is a huge step. Roni also said that the pee results are in, and she will send them over (though we shouldn't be overwhelmed by them) and the poop result should be in tomorrow. She suspects something will show up on the poop test in light of the pee results that she has seen. I think we are going to Rehovot on Sunday evening to discuss it all.

Then, after flitting back and forth for cuddles, around 9.00pm you thought you'd polish off that chocolate cake that was there. You finally went to sleep with Mummy in our bed at about 9.30pm. One hour's break when I was driving to get Mummy, let's hope tomorrow is a little better. Otherwise I'm going to break.

Today's Food

Breakfast: Banana, Date & Banana Smoothie, Cornflakes with Rice Milk

Snack: 2 gummy bears, two Good For Me! vanilla cookies, chocolate cake

Lunch: 4 Good For Me! Pancakes with Strawberry Jam

Dinner: Half pitta with nothing on, half a pitta with peanut butter (refused), banana (refused), fried egg, chocolate cake (eventually). Orange Juice