Your Birthday!!!

You woke at 6.15am. It seems to be the time regardless of whatever happens the night before. I have to say, you didn't seem very perky. We gave you a big hug on the bed and you cuddled up a bit. Quite lethargic.

Today was your birthday. I was very busy and couldn’t write very much so I am writing this a couple of weeks nearly after the event. You were three. I never thought of three when you were a day old. I couldn’t imagine what you would be like. I remember wondering what your voice would be like. That is as far as it went. I’ve never had huge expectations of you, though I have had huge expectations of me. I think the same applies to the ASD. I don’t know where you are going to go with this. You won’t be the same as you were, you’ll be much better but how better I don’t know.

It’s odd. You read a lot on forums and some people with ASD say leave me as I am. Other parents say things like I don’t want to get rid of his quirks, they make him (and it is usually a him) who he is. Well, let’s just say this: firstly Greenspan says that adults with autism usually say that they didn’t actually enjoy the spaced out times, they just did it to cope. Secondly, you have your own free will. When we are through with therapy and stuff, and you choose to screech rather than speak, that is your call. I suspect that sort of philosophy applies to everything not just ASD. If you can do something, and you choose to do it one way rather than another, fair play. But if you can’t so you cope the only way you can (stimming, blanking people, whatever), then I will give you all the tools I can with all the love I can. That is it. When you have the choice, and the ability to choose, you can choose. And I’m sure you’ll do the speaking rather than screeching thing. You already do that know.

And some parents say that they love the autism, it makes their child who he is. Well, I don’t. I don’t love something that distresses you. I don’t love something that can make you frustrated and sad. I love you more than I ever thought anyone could love anything, but I don’t love autism. I’ll leave it to others to hug trees and thank the Lord for the blessing of autism. I’ll do my job as a dad and equip you as best I can for everything in life.

You didn’t have such a happy birthday, though oddly, you did know it was your birthday. You asked for a present, and you were very overwhelmed at one point. We got you your basketball ring (which I put up a couple of days later) and we played with it on the sofa (risking it falling as you dunked and crushing your skull). Safta got you some goldfish (well, guppies) and Mummy spent the night before inexpertly transferring them to a tank that has a pirate ship in. You loved it and I am going to help you feed them with their gluten heavy food every day.

Nanny got you a candle that played happy birthday and you got all overwhelmed and went to the sofa ‘lo yodea ma alasot’ – I don’t know what to do. I think candles in your mind shouldn’t make noises. It was very strange to see, you had a sensory shock (I think) and then you just took yourself off and did a very normal thing. Had a sit down, no screeching.

You actually weren’t well from late morning, clammy, subdued. Not sure why. You just curled up. Mummy and me had a fight, and Nanny was miserable all day. She couldn’t put her finger on why so Mummy took it personally. All a bit of a mess. You went over to Safta’s in the evening, and I went shopping with Nanny. I spoke to Roni about what to do with a temperature since I can’t give you Acamoli. There is a combination of vitamins I can use but by the evening you’d bounced back.

I hope next year’s birthday brings more happiness all round. It didn’t escape me that it was a year ago me and Mummy had the huge fight.



Little Steps:You definitely knew it was your birthday. We sang you "happy birthday" and you said it was your birthday. You also appeared overwhelmed at one point - and took yourself off to the sofa and said "lo yodea ma la'asot". No screeching. Just quiet. The candle and presents were too much maybe.

Today's Food
Breakfast: Cornflakes and Rice Milk, Banana & Date Smoothie with calcium and Nu Thera
Snack: Orange juice, peach juice
Lunch: Fried Egg, Potato and Sweet Potato Chips (chips refused)
Snack: Chocolate cake (refused), Prigat Diet Grapefruit Syrup with aspartame
Dinner: Rice, Chips, Pancake with Zinc and Cherry Sauce (one bite taken, bugger)